Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
