woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
