Having a random hookup so left but love u
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
