I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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