I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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