He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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