how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
