well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
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I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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