We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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