It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
