I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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