I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
my liver is dry heaving
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
