Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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