Three words: puerto rican gang bang
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
