im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
