apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
