so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
