Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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