Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
