omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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