We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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