Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm bleeding and have questions
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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