I think i peed on brittanys purse
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Enjoy the penises
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
