he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
