My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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