We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
