I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
