I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
