U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
