he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
