So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
