roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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