I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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