come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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