looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We don't watch enough power rangers
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
