He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
