Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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