Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
