It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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