Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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