It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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