im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
