he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
