Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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