dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
