Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
