i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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