I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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