he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
