Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
