So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
