All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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