I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
farters have to be the big spoon...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
