If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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