who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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