dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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