so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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