My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize