Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize