I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
