god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Is it penis luge time yet?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
