Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
