my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
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You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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