I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
