Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
