oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
