doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
whose parrot is this?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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