No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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