I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
