Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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