So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
