so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
