I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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