The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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