I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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