Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
