What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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