Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
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She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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