whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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