But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
