He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
