I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
